- Last week, we wondered how the Cleveland Browns would unravel after a respectable 4-1 start to their season. On Sunday, we found out as Brown's returned to true form in a 38-7 drubbing in Pittsburgh. You know the Cleveland Browns are doing bad when CBS cuts away to a "more competitive" game with 8 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter. Ouch. Maybe Baker Mayfield should rest that injured rib before the next time he gets sacked 4 times by the #1 defense in the league. Cleveland Browns? More like Cleveland Clowns!
- Well would you look at that. The same team that came so close to beating Russell Wilson in Seattle just a week ago goes on to lose to the 0-5 Falcons and give Atlanta their first W of the season. Can Kirk Cousins get any worse than this?
- Oh Philadelphia, you tried to a last minute 2-point conversion to send the game into overtime and couldn't even get past the line of scrimmage! Your O-Line's gotta do a lot better than that! Carson Wentz literally spent the whole game running for his life because he has no protection while Nick Foles sits at the top of the NFC North! At least the Philly fans are back in the stands so that they can start fighting again!
- The Giants got into a bare-knuckles fight with Washington to try getting out of the NFC East basement and managed to get the first home team win at MetLife Stadium in 2020. Meanwhile, Daddy Snyder is fumbling through the glovebox of his garage-kept project car trying to find some gift cards to Buffalo Wild Wings that he can use to bribe any NFL team that's dumb enough to trade for Dwayne Haskins.
- Well, New England...it took 20 years, but you finally suck again. For all of the longtime fans who have been weary of all the bandwagoners, it sure is a beautiful day. Bill Belichick has his six rings, a TV deal with Subway, a compound on Nantucket...he don't need to lift a damn finger for the rest of his coaching career.
- Aaron Rodgers faces the Tom Brady in Tampa Bay and ends up getting SPANKED in a 38-10 loss to the Buccaneers! He's so nervous, he threw two back-to-back interceptions! Now every brainfreezed Green Bay fan who ever said "Aaron Rodgers is the real GOAT" has now learned a hard lesson in who actually holds that title and why. It certainly didn't help that Green Bay's defense has more holes in it than a wedge of Wisconsin Swiss!
- Look at you, Gronk! You finally connected with Tom Brady for your first touchdown as a Buccaneer! It only took you 6 weeks of football...or really almost 2 years since your last career touchdown...But hey! You finally did it. Now you can retire.
- The Jets have crash-landed in a 24-0 shut-out loss to the Dolphins. They now become the only winless team in the league as well as the only team in NFL history to be responsible for both the butt fumble AND the butt interception! Meanwhile, Adam Gase is now using those wandering eyes of his to find any high school football team that's willing to take him.
- Rumor has it that Tua Tagovailoa is still sitting on the field at Hard Rock Stadium. Maybe he's envisioning his way "Tua" Super Bowl run! Good luck, kid. Welcome to the NFL.
- Missing: Bills Defense
Last Seen: Week 4
- Zeke! You fumbled the ball not once, but twice in the first half of the game! Do you need a nap? A sponsorship deal from Land-O-Lakes Butter? I mean it certainly doesn't help that the Cowboys only managed to get a field goal in the first half! Not to mention the defense giving up 38 points, producing 4 turnovers, Andy Dalton being picked off by Budda Baker during a crucial 4th quarter drive, and the refs helping Dalton get to the 1-yard line for his only touchdown of the night in the final minutes of the game when it doesn't even matter anymore! Y'all making the Cardinals look like Super Bowl contenders out there! No worries though! You're just good enough to win the NFC East! In the meantime, Grandpa Jerry is going to go home to his favorite recliner, pop in the Dallas Cowboys Super Bowl XXX highlights tape into his VCR again to forget this embarrassing game ever happened.
